Stickler

Description: Perfectionism and a need for order and organization taken too far.

Characteristics: 

• Punctual, methodical, perfectionist.
• Can be irritable, tense, opinionated, sarcastic.
• Highly critical of self and others.
• Strong need for self-control and self-restraint.
• Works overtime to make up for others’ sloppiness and laziness.
• Is highly sensitive to criticism.

Thoughts: 

• Right is right and wrong is wrong.
• I know the right way.
• If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all.
• Others too often have lax standards.
• I need to be more organized and methodical than others so things get done.
• I hate mistakes.

Feelings: 

• Constant frustration and disappointment with self and others for not living up to ideal standards.
• Anxious that others will mess up the order and balance I have created.
• Sarcastic or self-righteous overtones.
• Suppressed anger and frustration.

Justification Lies: 

• This is a personal obligation.
• It is up to me to fix whatever mess I encounter.
• Perfectionism is good, plus it makes me feel better about myself.
• There is usually a clear right and clear wrong way to do things.
• I know how things should be done and must do the right thing.

Impact on Self and Others: 

• Causes rigidity and reduces flexibility in dealing with change and others’ different styles. Is a source of ongoing anxiety and frustration.
• Causes resentment, anxiety, self-doubt, and resignation in others, who feel continually criticized and resign themselves that no matter how hard they work they will never please the Stickler.

Original Survival Function:

• The Stickler offers a way of quieting the constant voice of self judgment and fear of others’ judgments through trying to be perfect.
• If you do what is right, you will be beyond interference and reproach by others.
• Perfection and order brings a sense of temporary relief.
• Might have generated a sense of order in the middle of a chaotic family dynamic, or earned acceptance and attention from emotionally distant or demanding parents by standing out as the irreproachable perfect kid.