Victim

Description: Emotional and temperamental as a way to gain attention and affection. An extreme focus on internal feelings, particularly painful ones. Martyr streak.

Characteristics:

• If criticized or misunderstood, tend to withdraw, pout, and sulk.
• Fairly dramatic and temperamental.
• When things get tough, want to crumble and give up.
• Repressed rage results in depression, apathy, and constant fatigue.
• Unconsciously attached to having difficulties.
• Get attention by having emotional problems, or being temperamental and sullen.

Thoughts: 

• No one understands me.
• Poor me.
• Terrible things always happen to me.
• I might be uniquely disadvantaged or flawed.
• I am what I feel.
• I wish someone would rescue me from this dreary mess.

Feelings: 

• Tend to brood over negative feelings for a long time.
• Feel alone and lonely, even when I’m around people I am close to.
• Feelings of melancholy and abandonment.
• Envy and negative comparisons.

Justification Lies: 

• Maybe this way I get some of the love and attention that I deserve.
• Sadness is a noble and sophisticated thing that shows exceptional depth, insight, and sensitivity.

Impact on Self and Others: 

• Vitality wasted through focus on internal processing and brooding.
• Backfires by pushing people away.
• Others feel frustrated, helpless, or guilty that they can’t put more than a temporary BandAid on the Victim’s pain.

Original Survival Function:

• The Victim is sometimes associated with a childhood experience of not feeling seen and accepted, coming to believe that something is especially wrong with you.
• Victim is a strategy to squeeze out some affection from those who would otherwise not be paying attention.
• The moods mimic a false sense of aliveness